Guns n’ Fuckin’ Roses

It was a time when Mtv and radio dominated the music industry.  1988 I believe; sixth grade.  I don’t remember if it was Christmas or my birthday, but that year I got my first boombox with a CD player.  I was also given my first CD, Guns n’ Roses, Appetite for Destruction.  Until I actually had the disk I had only heard the hits Welcome to the Jungle, Sweet Child o’ Mine, and Paradise City so I imagine I was a little confused as to why the CD had a Parental Advisory label on it.  Pretty sure mom didn’t have a clue what constituted the “explicit lyrics” declaration on that label but she likely had not listened to “It’s So Easy”.

As I sat in my room listening to the songs that would define my youth more that any other band ever would, I remember hearing the song and reading the lyrics in the liner and quickly turning it off for fear of it being overheard and taken away.  It was probably the first time I’d been exposed to such vulgarities in music, though in retrospect was very mild compared to some of the things I was introduced to later.

I see your sister in her Sunday dress
She’s out to please
She pouts her best
She’s out to take
No need to try
She’s ready to make

It’s so easy, easy
When everybody’s tryin’ to please me baby
It’s so easy, easy
When everybody’s tryin’ to please me

Cars are crashin’ every night
I drink n’ drive everything’s in sight
I make the fire
But I miss the firefight
I hit the bull’s eye every night

It’s so easy, easy
When everybody’s tryin’ to please me baby
Yeah it’s so easy, easy
When everybody’s tryin’ to please me

So easy
But nothin’ seems to please me
It all fits so right
When I fade into the night
See me hit you
You fall down

I see standin’ there
You think you’re so cool
Why don’t you just
Fuck off

Ya get nothin’ for nothin’
If that’s what ya do
Turn around bitch I got a use for you
Besides you ain’t got nothin’ better to do
And I’m bored

It’s so easy, easy
When everybody’s tryin’ to please me baby
It’s so easy, easy
When everybody’s tryin’ to please me

So easy
But nothin’ seems to please me
It all fits so right
When I fade into the night
So come with me
Don’t ask me where ’cause I don’t know
I’ll try ta please you
I ain’t got no money but it goes to show

It’s so easy
So fucking easy
It’s so easy
So damn easy
It’s so easy
So fucking easy
It’s so easy

At 12 years old, this was a bit of a culture shock and this song was just the first of many songs laden with obscenities and sexually explicit content.  Aside from the lyrics I was also caught off guard by the centerfold image that I would later learn was originally the album cover but was moved to the liner notes for obvious reasons.



Needless to say, I added this image to list of things I “never want my parents to see” and taped the centerfold closed.  It remained that way for years.  Life went on.  Music changed drastically, but GnR was never really matched or challenged in my world of music.  To this day they still have a steady place on my playlist.  Now if I can just manage to get to a concert before they breakup again for another 25 years.


For now, enjoy It’s So Easy, by Guns n’ Fuckin’ Roses.




Self Awareness – RDF



Resting Dick Face

“Damn Matt, you got a bad case of RDF.”

I consider myself to be pretty self aware and if you’ve read some of my previous blogs, then you already know that I hold one’s self-awareness in highest regard.  After all, how and you conceive to truly know another person unless you truly know yourself.

People are always asking me if I’m Okay, or if something is wrong.  It’s been happening since I can remember, so it really does go unnoticed most of the time and my responses are typically routine and second nature.

I guess it’s safe to say that my RDF get’s in the way at times.  I’ve often been told that I’m unapproachable and intimidating when people meet me for the first time.  In most case people are taken back a bit when the realize I am literally the exact opposite of their initial impression.  I suppose I’ll have to resign to being a little mysterious.  I does help to filter out some of the trash.

…to be continued

Say Goodbye, Don’t Follow


Anyone who really knows me, is well aware of how neurotic I am when it comes to music and particular songs.  It still blows my mind how a simple tune or lyric can snap me right back to a place in my past which can often take the wind completely out of my sail.  This specific song hit me pretty hard in the feels this morning.  The time was 15-20 years ago, and is very reminiscent of an individual whom I’ve since fallen out with, but still miss from time to time.  Hearing this song on the stream this morning didn’t help things much and while most people will remain oblivious to the reference, the person on the other end of the feels would likely react with a lot of the very same emotions about it.  At least I like to think so.   Though, the reality of the situation is glaring.

Hey, I ain’t never coming home
Hey, I’ll just wander my own road
Hey, I can’t meet you here tomorrow
No, say goodbye don’t follow
Misery so hollow

Hey you, you’re livin’ life full throttle
Hey you, pass me down that bottle, yeah
Hey you, you can’t shake me round now
I get so lost and don’t know how
And it hurts to care, so I’m goin’ now

Forgot my woman, lost my friends
Things I’d done and where I’ve been
Sleep in sweat the mirrors cold
See my face it’s growin’ old
Scared to death no reason why
Do whatever to get me by
Think about the things I’ve said
Read the page it’s cold and dead

Take me home
Yeah, take me home
Take me home
Take me home, yeah
Take me home

Say goodbye, don’t follow


Trust can be broken and betrayed but the love never goes away and the memories remains.


…it hurts to care, so I’m goin’ now…

300 & 5


5 years ago today Tracy and I were picking out all the new things with for our new home.  Tile, grout, carpet, paint, etc.  4 days prior was a completely different story.  It was a normal trip to the grocery store with Tracy and the kids.  I distinctly remember standing in the dairy section of the H.E.B. in Lincoln Heights when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  The sharp pain in the chest that nearly dropped me to the floor.  It scared the absolute shit out of me but I quickly pulled myself together and finished the shopping.  Tracy hadn’t seen and I didn’t tell her until we got back to the car.  I don’t really remember the details of what happened next but it wasn’t more than an hour later that I was laid up in the ER at SAMMC.  Tracy wouldn’t have it any other way.  How did I end up here?  I was knocking on 35’s door and had a 3 month old daughter, a 2 year old daughter, a 6 years old daughter and a 15 year old son.  I knew I was over weight, but I didn’t know how much of a problem it actually was to be 300lbs, but there I was laying in the hospital bed thinking that I was going to die.  While they were never full able to determine what actually happened to me that day, it was not a heart attach, but that beside the point.

As the steady stream of friends and family filed through that hospital room, I knew right then that something had to give.  Before then I never really knew just how unhealthy I had let myself become.  How could I expect to raise these kids with my wife, if I could not keep myself healthy and active?  How could I expect to be there in my 50’s when my youngest daughters were in their teens?  I’ve dieted before, and I’ve even implemented some crazy workout regimens, but this time had to be different.  I needed a long term commitment that was both fun and interesting.  “Fun and Interesting” turned into Idiotic and Stupid” when I decided that a 13.1 mile ruck march  was the way to go.  I began training right away.

Much to my surprise and despite all of the shin-splints and blisters, my efforts were starting to payoff.

8 months, several blistered heals, and a sprained ankle later, it was game time.  The 2012 Rock n’ Roll Marathon was here and I could not be any more prepared than I was.  Luckily I had my best friend and brother by my side to help motivate me and drive to the finish.  I can honestly say that I’m not sure I would have finished the race without him.

3 hours and 46 minutes is just 1 hour longer than my Air Assault 12 miler back in 1998.  To this day is the my biggest accomplishment, though I wish I could say the wave I was riding kept going.  Life is life and it wasn’t long before I settled right back into old habits.  The next three years followed the same yo-yo of physical health and before I knew it, I was back up in the 290’s.  I’d been working with my weight management doctors at the VA for years and spend most of that time resisting their suggestions for weight loss procedure.  It always seemed like too drastic of a measure and and easy way out of something I should have enough will power to control on my own.  After some serious soul searching and long talks with my family and medical professionals I gave in and took the step that would be the first day of the rest of my life.

On February 24, 2016 I had a Roux-en-y Gastric Bypass surgery.  I was optimistic and had ZERO expectations, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the work that was involved or the outcome I would see.  I can say with a certainty that food addiction is a very real thing, and while I now have a stomach the size of a lemon, I still, one year later, look at everything I eat through my “fat eyes”.  Just this past weekend, I was in NOLA with my girls, trying to convince myself that a pound of crawfish was not enough food and that I would leave the restaurant hungry.  Boy, was I wrong.  I was stuffed.  I was also wrong for thinking surgery was the easy way out.  The forced lifestyle change that came along with it has literally been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.  What I think I can eat and what my body can actually take in are far different and reconciling that in my brain is a test all it’s own, but I’m slowly getting used to the this new life I have in front of me.  One year later and I am half the man I was when this journey began just 5 short years ago.  I am lighter now than I can remember ever being in my adult life. In fact,  I had to have a weight waiver to join the Army at 191lbs back in 1997.  My doctors at the VA actually want me to gain a little weight now.


My only regret is not taking this step sooner.  I wish I’d had the courage to do it 10 years ago.  It a little strange to the least.  160lbs feels weird.  I feel bony.  People I’ve worked with for years walk by me without recognizing me.  I look at old pictures of my 300lb self and can’t believe I was ever that big.  I really did not know I was fat.  It was just normal.  Here’s to the new normal.  Here’s to a long and healthy life.  Here’s to being and active husband and father.  Here’s to feeling good about myself.  I’ll be 40 in 1 month and I’m in the best health I have ever been and simply cannot wait to see what the next 10, 20, and 30 years have in store for me and my amazing wife and daughters.

PMA, friends!

10 years


10 years and we still do not give a fuck what anyone thinks about our marraige, our life together, the choices we make for our family, the company we choose to keep, the way we raise our children, the amount of profanity we use in everyday conversation, or the priorities we make for our daily life.  This is, always has been, and always will be our life TOGETHER.  Some folks get it and unfortunately some folks do not.  The ones that get it are the ones who hold on tight and enjoy the ride.  The ones who do not, typically move on once they realize it’s not all about them.  To that we say, AMF! This is the way we like it and we do not need you to validate our existence.

2007 – 2017

I love you Tracy.  Thank you for standing next to me with our middle fingers in the air saying Fuck you, this is us!

He’s Back!


Alright fuckers!  I’m back and I have things to say.  Stay tuned because a lot has happened and we have some catching up to do.  My new mantra is “I say what I want”, and believe me when I say that is exactly what I plan to do here.  So, if you’re a little pussy who can handle shots fired from the hip, this is probably not the place for you.